Another case (or two) of Do as I say, not as I do?

Dear Mom,
I'm just so confused. Didn't you say:

"Never hang your lingerie up around the house. It's Skanky."


"Never act like you are hotter then every one else, even though you are."


"Never wear blue eyeshadow."


"Never act like a dumb blonde."


"Again, never wear blue eyeshadow, and never make horrid mistakes with your hair."


"Boys with shag hair only want one thing."


"Never wear your make up to bed, or pose like drunk lesbians with your best friend pennie. People will think you are."


"Shag carpet isn't cool. Having a hippie for a mom isn't cool."


"Hippie headbands and skirts are for people who take weed and smoke acid."


"Absolutely strictly prohibited!"


"Snow bros are bad news...." I doubt you were in love with the mountain breeze when you were on that ski team.


Book of mormon and Bible apart clothed, three church pews in bathing suits.


"Tanning is bad for your skin. Drawing attention to yourself in your bathing suit is satanic."


Wait a second.... is that a BIKINI?!?!?!??!


I suppose you are an expert by now on the rule of "never act like a dumb blond." Oh. And that falls into the category of hippie hair.....


come on mom. you are a little too old for cabbage patch dolls. geez.


"Practice your smile in the mirror before picture time....."


"Never hang out with hippies. Second hand smoke equals second hand coolness. Avoid the appearance of evil." hmmm.


"never eat junk food in front of boys. They will picture you five years from now, and fat."
time out. I don't think one could pull off that bikini cut "modest bathing suit" with out a hootchie coochie wax job before....


"never make sexy eyes. especially when you are in your bathing suit, and hotter then everyone else. It's just not fair to them."


"Never go on trips with boys." Wait a second.... If I did this, you would have a cold sore and Dad would be hiring PI's.


It's okay mommy.
I'm not even mad.
I intend to wipe out that whole "free agency" thingy with my children too.
Bikinis? Yeah right-- my daughters will be wearing wet suits.



See, you taught me well.

Oh, and P.S.
Isn't she a knock out?!