So... my mum is really into proper etiquette and spoken/unspoken rules... Yeah. It's the worst!
Today I was thinking about all the funny laws and rules that woman has taught me over the years. Some of them I am so grateful to have learned, some of them I wish I never learned, and some of them are just really really stupid.
Just to name a few:
When someone pulls their own plug, you refer to it as "taking their own life" because committing suicide and killing themselves isn't reverent.
Girls should never call boys.
Nail polish should be removed before the first sign of chipping.... completely removed-- even if that means destroying your nail beds to remove the polish from the crevices. Also, only red and pink polishes are acceptable. Everything else is trash.
Clothes are made to be worn in certain seasons. Do not mess that up.
Make sure not only you but everyone in your family has clean ears.
A woman is responsible for keeping the finger and toe nails of the men in her life, e.g., husband, brothers, sons, father in laws trimmed short short short.
A woman's voice should only be loud enough for the person she is speaking with to hear.
You should not wear white after labor day, "and while this old fashion rule is hardly obeyed anymore, so is the law of chastity.... that doesn't mean it's right."
When greeting an engaged couple, it is proper to say "Congratulations" to the Groom, and "Best Wishes" to the bride. The concept is that "congratulations" implies that someone has won a prize or caught something, and it is impolite to imply that the bride "caught" her husband. That is of course, because traditionally, only men were known to do the chasing.
Never, ever, ever, ask someone when they are due.
When entering a building, stairway, elevator, escalator, etc. the person or people EXITING always have the right of way and you should move to the side so that they can do so.
Always put the clothing back on the hangers in the dressing room after you try them on.
If you are wearing lipstick, you better be wearing lip liner.
Always wear a slip under your dress.
Mr., Mrs., Ms., Brother, and Sister.
Do not call an Asian an oriental.
Do not call aunt Yaditze(who is Venezuelan) a Mexican.
Do not call short people midgets.
If you used the last of the toilet paper, you must replace it.
Don't pick your nose and eat it.
Don't place a phone call before or after 9:00 am/pm.
Do not ask anyone that looks over 25 their age.
Do not turn your nose at food put in front of you. Eat it.
Do not eat too much.
Do not eat too little.
One cut at a time, with your knife and fork.
When hosting a dinner party, you are a slave.
When meeting the in-laws, dress in something Grandma Lee would buy. Oh!!! Grandma Lee! That just sparked like 500 more.
Know which foods are meant to be served together.
When going TO a dinner party, offer and insist on bringing a dish. If the host refuses, bring flowers.
Mop your floor on your hands and knees. Use scrub rags, not paper towels.
Do not use liquid Tide. Use powder Tide with bleach.
Whites are washed twice- once in hot, once in cold.
Jeans, towels, darks, pinks, all in separate loads. Don't mix. You'll probably die.
Before leaving town, clean your house. You just never know.
If it says RSVP. RSVP! No matter what!
Thank you cards, thank you cards, thank you cards.
On your wedding night, wear polite white lingerie...... after that, anything goes.
Wet Seal is trailer trash.
The uglier the shoe, the more amazing it is.
Your shoes, belt, and purse must match or coordinate.
Never order something more expensive then your date.
Sit in the passengers seat till he comes around to open the door.
Do not use bathroom words.... ever.
Do not even BUY black bras or panties... unless you want everyone to think you are a skanky slutty whore.
Whew. I'm tired of thinking. But really- there are a ton. Obviously some of which I do NOT practice or follow but you have to love her for trying.
