Well today anyway.

If I were a month, I’d be May
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Monday-- a total mess.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 2:00 am.
If I were a planet, I’d be Earth
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a baby seal.
If I were a direction, I’d be East.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be an old chair.
If I were a liquid, I’d be Ginger ale.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be a ruby.
If I were a tree, I’d be a cherry blossom.
If I were a flower, I’d be a dahlia.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a pouring rain
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano.
If I were a color, I’d be purple
If I were a fruit, I’d be a tomato. Out of place.
If I were a sound, I’d be a deep breath.
If I were an element, I’d be water
If I were a car, I’d be a piece of junk.
If I were a food, I’d be a frosted pink sugar cookie with sprinkles.
If I were a place, I’d be cliff by the beach
If I were a material, I’d be satin.
If I were a taste, I’d taste sweet&sour
If I were a scent, I’d be cut grass
If I were an object, I’d be your umbrella.
If I were a body part, I’d be the collarbone
If I were a facial expression, I’d be the boring one you make subconsciously.
If I were a song, I’d be "I'll be seeing you"
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be Expensive.