disclaimer: I think it's safe to say that you'll be completely bored by this post if you aren't
Annie. I so sowwy.
Annie: "Straight from the mouth of David Boyle. FWD: Well barren love is still love. I'll just use Molly for my children. She is a homemaking goddess bittersweetend."
Molly: "My day is made! Oh my gosh. That is the sweetest most adorable and weird thing anyone has ever said about me."
A: "Isn't it funny? Apparently I'm his mistress and you're the mother of his children. I'm not sure how I feel. Especially considering our already established marriage. Does this mean we're involved in lesbian polygamy?"
M: "Interesting. Yes, I believe it does. Lesbian polygamist cougars! I'm fearful because we all come from stalwart families. I don't know how they or the rest of Monti will take the news."
A: "I am more concerned about the community than our families. In fact, you know who I am most conccerned about? _____.
M: "Oh my gosh! I think we have 'espn.' She was the first person I worried about too. She has already kidnapped me once. If she goes bananas on us it's your turn to deal with it. Hubsy."
A: "Don't worry. I've already devised a plan to tell her about all the boys ____ kissed that she doesn't know about. That'll shock her long enough for me to get away.
M: "She won't believe you. Her offspring are as perfect as her."
A: "You don't think it'll catch her off guard at all? Crap. I need to come up with a more fullproof plan. kick her in the hips."
M: "I could help! I'm not very athletic or aerodynamic, but with her it would be hard to miss. This time tomorrow? Her house? Should we ask her to bake us yummy treats before we do the hip kicking?... she is a really good cook."
A: "Oh crap. Now I'm feeling bad. We probably shouldn't kick her. Also, give me the scoop of ____. Who is she?"
M: "I like you better when you pretend NOT to have a conscience. ____ is _____'s new kid. lol. She's weird.
A: "They adopted a child? I mean, I dont understand. She's old but they adopted her? Where'd they find/get her.?"
M: "I don't really know. It's weird. She still goes to visit her mom. Like for weeks at a time in Mesa. But she's from Cambodia. I don't get it. ____'s are weirdos Annie. They just seem like the kind of mormon family you are supposed to like, but there's just something about them that makes my stomach propel vomit up my throat and I have to swallow it because if I let it out I will surely splash Sister Frost who is sitting in front of me in gospel doctrine."
A: "I can see that you feel moderately strong about this."
M: "Moderately. And I think ____ wants to steal my family. And I also think it's working. My parents mentioned they love asian food. Next thing I know she's at MY house bonding with MY mother in the kitchen, making us the best damn shrimp curry soup I ever did taste."
A: "I take it back. You feel VERY strongly. Strongly enough to swear.But then again... your idea of swearing and mine may differ greatly. I take it back again, you still only moderately care."
M: "Damn is in the scriptures Annie. Remember there was even that modern day apostle who always swore. Still celestial. Just like myself. Hold it! I forgot to mention the worst part of all. ____ always jokes about eating Ruby! She says in Cambodia doggies like Ruby are a yummy yummy delicacy and she craves it so much. If she eats Ruby- Annie, I swear, I will eat her. Or feed her to a lion or something. Wait. Eating her would be a bad idea. I would also be eating Ruby... and that's just awful. So I guess I'd just feed her to a lion."
A: "We have to do something! First of all, don't you even let her good cooking get to you. Remember, you are
thee domestic goddess. Sure she can cook curry soup. But you can make a beautiful Waldorf Astoria Red Velvet Cake. You can whip together the most brilliant gourmet salads and pastas with out even using a recipe! You know how to make salmonella free cookie dough- with out it tasting like it's lacking something. You use cheeses I've never heard of and can't pronounce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Then there is your imaculate housekeeping skills. You disinfect a bathroom better than anyone I've ever met. I'd eat off your clean toilet seats Molly! For like, as little as 5$! You could give Martha Stewart a run for her money if you were having a proper bed making contest, and nobody does laundry with the care and patience that you do. Your whites are so white- and still look brand new. You never wear boots in the summer or flip flops in the winter. You always match your shoes to your purse. Even your JEANS are perfectly pressed. ___ isn't in your league."
M: "You're right. Remember that one time when you boycotted shaving your legs and underarms?"
A: "Best 8 months of my life. Remember that one time when you boycotted plucking your eyebrows?"
M: "It was liberating. Let's do it again-- for summer!"
A: "Already on it Hubs."
