Yesterday, when I returned home from school, I cried. I cried... and cried... and cried... till bedtime. Then at school today, I cried some more. School is HARD. The nursing program is GRUELING. I've been feeling really sorry for myself. And eating my feelings this afternoon felt SO good.
Today my nursing instructor said to us, "You all need to quit being so negative. Start looking at the glass half full!" And I couldn't help it... my response: "BUT THIS GLASS IS EMPTY!!!" I could see the disappointment on her face. And as angry as I was at her for a bazillion reasons, It made me stop and think...
In less than one year, this will all be over. I will be a registered nurse. That's freaking cool. I will be independent, and I will have become a bigger person (hopefully only in a metaphoric sense). And I will have a whole new set of worries and frustrations. And that's okay. Because that's life. And feeling sorry for myself will get me nowhere. Happiness is a choice. People that think of happiness as a future destination never ever get there. Happiness is today. Right now.
When asked “What thing about humanity surprises you the most?”, the Dalai Lama answered: “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
...Even more terrible than me. So I had to post this picture of Baby Kendal because she's adorable, and her baby toesies are adorable, and her dress is adorable, and her hair flower is adorable.
So back when I was living up north in Provo, my friend Alysse, with beautiful long blonde hair, was asked to be in an independent short film. It was called "La Chevelure" which is french for "The hair". The film is based on a short story written by Guy de Maupassant, about a man who finds a long lock of hair inside of an antique dresser. He begins to imagine the woman that the hair once belonged to and it grows into an obsession that drives him mad. So....it's kind of like a modern Edgar Allen Poe story. Alysse played the faceless woman of this mad-man's dreams. They needed extras for a scene and so Alysse invited us. In the scene, the man's obsession has reached a new level when he thinks he sees the woman at a social event. I'm sure that poor Alysse couldn't have had much fun standing/sitting still the whole time with her hair covering her face. But the rest of us really had a blast. I never did see the film, and I always wondered if it was ever finished or entered into any festivals. I googled it today and found out that it was finished, and it took 2nd place in the short films category of the 2009 LDS Film Festival. So basically, I'm famous! I couldn't find the full 17 min. video online, but I did find a trailer on youtube. See if you can spot me!! :)
I absolutely hate it. I hate it when the skies are gloomy. I hate it when the skies are clear but the sun beats down on the white snow and blinds me. I hate having a runny nose. I hate how winter strips my skin of any moisture it has. I hate how quickly it makes my smooth legs turn prickly. I hate how it takes over my hands and legs and I can hardly make use of them. I hate how it makes my ears ache inside. I hate walking out to my car on bitter cold early mornings. I hate scraping the frost and snow off of my windows. I hate the claustrophobic feeling I get when I bundle up in my coat, scarf, gloves, and earmuffs. I hate how I can't breathe in that cold winter air, but if I tuck my face inside of my scarf I feel like I'm suffocating. I hate how hard it is to leave my warm bed in the morning. I hate how our stupid fireplace turns everything in our house black. I hate building fires when my frozen hands can hardly strike a match. I hate hot chocolate. I hate tripping over all of my brothers snow gear all winter long. I hate shoveling the backyard so that Ruby doesn't get lost in the snow when she goes out to potty. I hate the fear of slipping on the ice. I hate driving in a snow storm. I hate the stress I get when I drive on icy and slushy roads. I hate how winter makes me late to everything. I hate winter. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I pray that this is my very last Monticello winter.
